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You know you’ve been too long in Norway when…

  • You associate warm rice porridge with Saturday and xmas eve.
     
  • It seems sensible that the age limit at Oslo night clubs is 23 or 25.
     
  • You find yourself debating the politics of Jens Stoltenberg.
     
  • You think there are no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.
     
  • It seems nice to spend a week in a small wooden cottage up in the mountains, with no running water and no electricity.
     
  • You think cross-country skiing is the only real skiing.
     
  • You know at least five different words describing different kinds of snow.
     
  • The first thing you do on entering a bank/post office/pharmacy etc. is look for the queue number machine.
     
  • You accept that you will have to queue to take a queue number.
     
  • A sharp intake of breath has become part of your active vocabulary.
     
  • You associate Friday afternoon with a trip to Vinmonopolet (State wine monopoly).
     
  • You think nothing of paying NOK 65 (US$ 13) for a bottle of ‘cheap’ wine at Vinmonopolet.
     
  • Your native language has seriously deteriorated: you “eat medicine” and “go and lay yourself”.
     
  • You rummage through your plastic bottles collection to see which ones you should keep to take to the store and which can be sacrificed to the recycle center.
     
  • It’s acceptable to eat lunch at 11am and dinner at 3pm.
     
  • Your front door step is beginning to resemble a shoe shop.
     
  • When a stranger on the street smiles at you, you assume that:
    1. he is drunk;
       
    2. he is insane;
       
    3. he is American;
       
    4. he is all of the above.
       
  • The reason you take the ferry to Denmark is:
    1. duty free vodka
       
    2. duty free beer
       
    3. to party
       
  • Silence is fun. (!!!)
     
  • The only reason for getting of the boat in Copenhagen is to eat pizza.
     
  • It no longer seems excessive to spend NOK 500 (US$ 80!) on alcohol in a single night.
     
  • You care who wins the “Hvem fanger sommerens største fisk” contest.
     
  • Your old habit of being “fashionably late” is no longer acceptable.
     
  • You know that “religious holiday” means “let’s get pissed”.
     
  • You enjoy the taste of lutefisk.
     
  • You use mmmm as a conversation filler.
     
  • An outside temperature of 9C is mild (in mid June).
     
  • You wear sandals with socks.
     
  • You have only two facial expressions, smiling or blank.
     
  • You think riding a racing bike in the snow is a perfectly sensible thing to do (with or without snow tires).
     

Written by persons unknown, in a previous millennium.

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